Momentum
by bloodandpepper
Summary: There are moments that last milennia. When time seems to have lost all meaning, the world gets a different shape. Ishida lives through this seconds made of  eternity. ANGST, violence, blood. Spoilers for the final Lust-chapters! Ichi/Ishi. Ishida's POV


Time seems to have lost it's flow.

There are merely pictures that seem to have no connection, all sliding across my field of view without a meaning. Not a sound is heard and somewhere between these odd pictures and this soundless world I must've lost something. Something like the beating of my heart. And my breathing. All what's left of me are my eyes and they don't understand what they are seeing.

There's sand coloured like sun-bleached bones. A strangly endless canopy of pure night with a cruel moon at its vertex. Liquid rubies are dancing right in front of me, slowly disappearing from my view. They are beautiful, the pale moonlight makes them glow the deepest red.

And there's you.

But looking at you makes something inside me scream soundlessly. Something isn't right, but I can't put my finger on it, my mind isn't able to get the pieces of that puzzle together. But there's no doubt. I know you. Maybe that's the only surety I can hold onto in that grotesque scenario surrounding me.

Memories like flashlights appear, storming through my conciousness. I remember. Remember the brown eyes, kind and shining. Your big hands, made to care, to protect. I see a rare smile. What a treasure.

Yes, I remember you. Even in that abyss of a fake world, I remember you. I can't feel my smile, but I know it's there.

Then a tremor rocks my body and suddenly there's a pain that erupts from the centre of my body. An agony in its purest form sending white spots to flicker right before my eyes. I try to cry out, but find no breath in my lungs. I try to move, but my body is lured into a motion I can't control. The world tilts to the right and the cresent moon decides to flip away. Some shrill, female voice is calling something that has been my name in some other place and time. Here it holds no meaning.

Again, there are the rubies, that splash to the ground and onto my face. It's strange, how warm they are. My sight gets fuzzy and there's that intangible smell in the air. Like copper and steel.

When I'm finally able to focus again, I hear the same scream from before deep inside me, but multiplied a thousand times. It rings in my ears, makes me tremble to the core. I don't want to open my eyes, but the noise forces me to do so. Finally I suck in the air I haven't realized I needed so badly and again my gaze finds you through the layers of dust and piles of rubble.

You tower high above me. Your skin gleams white as the sand around us and your long hair flows like beams of the sun that are never seen here. Horns are your crown now. I search your eyes, search the kindness and the caress, only to encounter pitch black nothingness staring right back at me. Your hands are claws, made to tear flesh apart - nothing has to be sacred to them. And there will never be the treasured smile on that grimace - bare fangs creating the cruel smile of a predator ready to strike down its prey.

The screaming in my ears grows unbearable and even intesifys, when a bright ball of light starts to form between your horns, aiming at me.

There's nothing else in the world but the noise in my head and the creature that has to be you.

And finally, there's recognition. All the screaming from within stops in an instant and the sudden silence hits me like a blow.

I'm afraid of dying.

It makes me want to laugh, but all I choke up, is some blood.

You prepare your final blow and I try to raise my head a bit more, but it's only my gaze that manages to confront you.

With all the screaming gone, there's just a faint voice left in my head. More a murmur than anything else. 'It's okay to die', it says. 'It's okay to die from his hands', I have to close my eyes again. Now I can see him, his true self: Warm and shining, caring and strong. 'Yes, I know', I'm telling the voice and this time I can actually feel myself smiling. Blood trickles down my chin. Red like rubies. Still, strangely warm.

All is silent now.

And I wait for the blow, that never comes.


End file.
